Is It Just Me, Or Does Crazy Tyra = Sexy Tyra?

Yeah, that's right. I said it. The wacky/tacky Good Fierce Witch herself is HOTT. Especially when delivering mail.

Selling the Katsak: A Dirty Job

I want to buy whatever Mike Rowe is selling. Like, for example, the Katsak Cat Toy.

And the S.S. Noah Carry Bag ("Mainly it's just a novelty bag. If you really need a lot of carrying space, you probably don't, you know, want this."). And the Original Lava Lamp ("It does get warm. Not scalding hot. ...Just a tad warm.").

See these and other choice selections from early '90's QVC, starring Discovery Channel regular Mike Rowe, over at Clary Novels.

Siskel and Ebert and Roeper and Others and the Movies

Roger Ebert is one of the most brilliant writers I've read, and that's no joke. He is, of course, my favorite movie critic (although I'll be the first to admit his writing suffered during his health battles). He is a man who is both fiercely intelligent and absolutely genuine. Roger recently wrote a journal entry (appropriately titled "The balcony is closed") about the history of his television show and specific recollections surrounding it's successes, in response to the news of it's producers taking it in a "new direction."

In that article, Roger posted a couple YouTube videos of some promo outtakes with himself and Gene Siskel. These guys are pretty awesome.

"When I Fart, I Look Behind Me," and Other Bon Mots

David Sedaris visits The Daily Show, promoting his new book "When You Are Engulfed in Flames," and riffs on the Japanese and quitting smoking.

Daytime Television: A Sad, Strange World

You are ...NOT the father!

So, I was sitting at home the other day, flipping channels between the Maury show and the Today show, and all the other shows that show up on weekday mornings on broadcast TV, but I stopped on Maury because he's usually the most lascivious. On that day, Maury was revealing some exciting Caught On Tape footage, and he was discussing the outrageousness of it all with a certified specialist, some sort of therapist-type woman, who's gregarious personality and wide smile perfectly matched her simple, moralizing "advice."

Maury and the therapist-type were talking about a man who videotaped unknowing women in his massage studio, in various states of undress. Boos! Jeers from the live studio audience! He's a sick man! Those poor women! Well, of course they didn't show the actual video--that'd just be in bad taste. So instead they hired actors to "dramatize" the salacious invasions of this most intimate privacy. They hired women to strip to their underwear. For their cameras. They videotaped women, in various states of undress. To publicly scold a man who videotaped women in various states of undress. The live studio audience, of course, cheered when the therapist-type announced the man's prison sentence.

All in all, I don't really understand daytime television. Watching it really just bums me out. I mean, all it is is advertisements for diets and exercise programs, Associate's degrees, high school diplomas, game design classes, and airplane maintenance licensure programs, in between court shows, talk shows, soap operas, and The 700 Club. I mean, c'mon! What kind of sad, pathetic person watches The 700 Club?!? ... ... Well, I guess the same kind of person who'd condemn a man for doing THE EXACT SAME THING THAT THEY'RE DOING! I guess it's okay for women to be taken advantage of, as long as their bodies are being displayed to thousands of TV viewers, and she's getting paid for it. ...Hypocrites!

I Finally Got Around To Watching The Christmas Special Of 'The Office' (UK Version)...And It Was AWESOME!!

Best. Finale. Ever.

That is all.

How? Why?!

Follow My Logic: from Dante to 'Big Brother'

I've been reading Dante's Divine Comedy, and that has me thinking about the Seven Deadly Sins. In John Ciardi's introduction to his own translation, he writes that, of the Seven, "Acedia is the central one, and it may well be the sin the twentieth century lost track of." Ciardi says that while Acedia is generally translated to English as Sloth, there is simply too much lost in translation: it's not just laziness or physical slovenliness--it's more of a spiritual failure, "the failure to be sufficiently active in the pursuit of recognized Good."

Now--follow me here--whenever I hear the word "sloth," I always think of "television." Perhaps that's a result of reading Devin O'Leary's "This Week in Sloth" entry in The Alibi, which features some of the noteworthy selections in the week's television schedule, or perhaps it's actually the result of the same attitude that fueled O'Leary in the first place: an interest in making fun of a wide range of the TV viewing spectrum, and the overwhelming existential torpor and depression that comes with it.

So, to the point: While I was reading about the Cantos of Hell (and thinking about where I'll fit in), I immediately thought of the time* that I watched an episode of CBS' Big Brother and kinda liked it. (...You know the show. The one with the dumb gregarious sluts pretty people, participating in ridiculous stunts, parading themselves around on national television in order to win two minutes of fame $500,000.) And though I, like, knew that something interesting was probably on public television (i.e., the Good) that very second, I still chose to ignore the truth. And therefore I am going to Hell.

Does anybody else ever feel like there is something out there that goes waaaaay beyond a "guilty pleasure," something that is so fundamentally evil, that by watching/listening to/reading/choosing it you are going straight to Hell?

*Oh, and that time I watched Big Brother? Yep, this past weekend. The same weekend I also spent my time watching Saved by the Bell.

Screech & Slater: Educational & Informative!

As I was channel-surfing this past weekend--as I am occasionally want to do, post-PBS cooking shows, pre-dinner--I happened across an episode of Saved by the Bell (pre-College Years, pre-Showgirls) airing on NBC. I'm not big into TV nostalgia ('SBTB' was a staple of my pre-teen years), but after a decade-long departure from Bayside High, it was kind-of a kick to return.

Despite the show's complete absence from my consciousness for so long, there is definitely a level of (uncomfortable) familiarity here, like being at a high school reunion--Look! There's overachieving Jessie Spano! Oh, it's meathead A.C. Slater! And fashionable Lisa Turtle! So, while I remember quite a bit (Remember when Kelly couldn't afford to attend Junior Prom, and Zach arranged their own private picnic just outside the gym, and they danced to the music coming from inside? ...No?), I, however, certainly do NOT remember Saved by the Bell being particularly educational, nor informative ...but NBC obviously does.

As part of an FCC requirement, broadcast channels are required to air at least 3 hours of "educational and informative" children's programming every week. Apparently, 'Saved by the Bell' fits the bill, earning it's E/I insignia. Why? Because it deals with "issues"? Like that time Jessie got addicted to caffeine pills? Or because it helps teach kids to "socialize"? Like that time Slater had to dance his way to a date?

Tina Fey To Return To 30 Rock To Host 'SNL'

I don't usually watch Saturday Night Live. But in SNL's first post-Strike broadcast (Feb. 23), Tina Fey will be returning to 30 Rockefeller Center to host the show she once worked for. I'll watch it because I think Fey is a comic genius, and 30 Rock, her scripted series based around an SNL-style variety show, is so funny I want to take it behind the middle school and get it pregnant.

But here's the thing: when Fey was head writer for Live (the first woman to hold that position), the show was in one of it's worst creative slumps in recent years. It was during her reign that I really stopped watching the show (although, in all fairness, blame can also be placed on Jimmy Fallon, whose biggest talents were botching his lines and mugging for the camera). So I wonder: How will the performer in Fey (who recently won a Screen Actors Guild award for her work on 30 Rock) fare without the pressure of heading the chaos of a live television show? When she was behind the Weekend Update desk, SNL was actually (wouldn't-you-know-it?) funny. That's not to say the WGA-card-carrying scribe is a bad writer (she isn't, not by a long shot), but... Well, I don't know. That's the thing. Why didn't SNL work better with her in charge? ... I guess that's why I'll be tuning in on Saturday night, to see what's changed.

P.S.: Tina,
If you're reading this, ditch your husband and marry me.
xoxo Ben

I Finally Got Around To Watching the Second Half of Season 3 of 'LOST'...And It Was Awesome!

It had been nearly a year since I last watched an episode of Lost (according to IMDb the last one I saw, "Stranger in a Strange Land," aired on February 21st, 2007! That's last year!). But that's all changed now. Over the past three days, I hunkered down and watched all 13 episodes of Season 3 I missed, including the time-warpy finale.

And it was awesome! ...Hey, check out Jack's beard!

I know, I know, I'm still behind the times. But FYI, there is no other show on TV that has the potential to excite me as much as Lost does. Just so you know.

'Project Runway' is better than 'America's Next Top Model' ...barely

Yeah, yeah, I know. But it's true.

Tell me, though: What the heck are ANTM contestants Dani, Jaslene, and Bianca (pictured) doing in Runway's Bryant Park finale? Couldn't they find enough real models? ...JK, girls, JK.

Not that I don't love me some Top Model success stories--especially when they involve two of my past favorites (Cycle 6 winner Dani, left, and Cycle 8 winner Jaslene, center)--but don't you think this is a strange case of reality TV cross-pollination? Project Runway is like Top Model's cooler, hipper, and sexier cousin, what with it's highfalutin "School" of design, and requisite "talent."

Could this new development, paired with the relocation of ANTM back to New York, make for a new infusion of "class" into the Top Model proceedings? Also, I'm interested to see whether the girls get specifically mentioned on the Runway finale--or, if in a case of ironic serendipity, they actually had to earn their way into the fashion show.

Oh, and since I went ahead and spoiled the designers' final collections for myself by flipping though Bravo's online photo gallery, you might as well know that I thought Christian's was the best. And the fiercest. See it here.